Parenting perspectives from NLP Master Trainer Chrissie StobbsMar 01, 2022
"My entire reason for learning NLP and timeline therapy was because I was I was stuck in a place where I was feeling really down and I was so focused on the things that were going wrong. I was holding on to all this emotion that I'd been carrying from a previous sort of traumatic event. And I felt stuck. How do I show up? I'm not the mum, I'm not the role model that I want to be I'm just I feel like I'm stuck in this place" - Chrissie Stobbs NLP Master Trainer and Co-Founder of the Collective Coaching Academy.
When I interviewed Chrissie she was so excited to share how Neuro Linguistic Programming had changed the trajectory of her practice and her life. She said that NLP helps people take stock of what they've been through and how people have treated them and things that have happened in the past. She was fascinated at how people process information differently and the element of understanding you can get about yourself and other people once you realise that.
We delved into how reframing can change the way you see a situation - can you put it in a different time or change the context or are there different ways of shifting what is going on for you? This happens for Chrissie (and myself) almost on a daily basis and she shared this example about her boys coming out of the family room and she said can you bring your plates with you? And so her son just literally brought "a" plate, but left his cup, his mug, or his bowls, cutlery or whatever else. Chrissie shared that she would get frustrated and say "hey guys, I asked you to, clean up your stuff" and they would say "No, you asked for the plates". She would think to herself annoyingly- he's so technical. She would think "I don't want him to go out in the world and argue over every single little point, but part of my brain instead of getting angry and upset about it is like, okay, you know, what, you are going to make a brilliant lawyer one day".
So you're taking the same situation and applying it to a different contexts. It just takes the edge off. It helps you cope and get through things instead of upset about everything. So whereas before she would have been getting really frustrated, now she can just laugh it off. And apparently it's a bit of a running joke with all the family now too.
Another example for reframing might be the way we think about hanging out the washing. Especially when it's the fifth load of washing ... being able to flip it and find gratitude can help you change how you see the situation and be less annoyed - for example you might think - "how amazing is it that we've got all these clothes to wash and all these sheets in the bedroom?"
Once you start to learn how to do it on purpose, you just notice that you start to rewire your brain and it just starts to happen naturally.
What we sometimes don't realise until we focus on improving our mindset is that you are in control of your response. So previously, you might have just felt that little moment of frustration, or, thought why is this always like this? But if you can start to consciously move yourself out of that space and choose how you respond, it's just so much better - for your health and your relationships.
Chrissie says "I think it has a knock on effect when you choose your mindset especially as a parent, you have to think about them as sponges, and they are listening and watching and taking everything in, and how you respond can influence them... anything that we can do that gets you to become aware of how you're responding to situations and learning to move yourself out of that frustration is a good thing.
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